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2022 - The lowest yet

 This might be one of the hardest blog posts for me to write ever.  But firstly - let me state my surprise that I did not realize I did not write a single post for 2021, I've thought that I've at least blogged annually. I guess the main big thing that happened in 2021 was that I met Puven (through Bumble) - my significant other who became my fiance a month ago!  My journey with Puven has been an interesting one for sure, but probably one for another day/ there will be sprinkles of it throughout this post I'm sure.  So, my 2022. My first response to this is one big sigh.  This year for me was significantly marked with struggle. so much confusion. guilt. tears. anxiety. fear. insomnia. suffocation. headaches. insecurity. weight gain. Almost all of these words are words that I never thought I would be closely affiliated with (except weight gain, that seems to happen every few years haha).  So I thought it started with the insomnia, I was having terrible headaches and feeling l
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This post might be a bit long.

It's 2014! What have I been up to? - Working in my parent's kindergarten - Taking Korean classes - My usual fangirling activities (basically watching videos of koreans) Working is really fun, I'm really attached to the kids. It's so great being able to hug little people freely and having cute kids play with your hair. Of course you have to overlook the vomit and them peeing on themselves. So my original plan was to work until mid feb, then go to Kansas City (where my brother is) for a missions course called YWAM. It's 3 months of learning, 3 months of loving and sharing God's love to people. I was really excited for this, buying all the warm clothes and what not. I was accepted by the organisation, and I was pretty much set to go. But then my Visa didn't go through. I woke up early in the morning to make sure I wont be late for my 'interview' (for a business visa to the US, this is needed). I had to surrender my phone and ipod. I went thro
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It hurts.

Here I am, 6am in the morning, dreadfully awake and drenched in tears. Something not uncommon for me in the past 2 months. I tend to feel things deeply, especially as it pertains to relationships/friendships. The love I feel for my friends at times often scares me. I don’t particularly like it, as people come and go (including me)  and also it’s just cheesy as heck. This was my first long-term relationship. I poured all my emotions, thoughts and devotion into it. I tried not to show it, making sure I spent lots of time with other people, and by limiting my social media of him. It was also (I hoped) a self defence mechanism that would help me get over him if a break-up happened. I think the basic gist of what happened is that I didn’t fully know what I wanted or needed in a relationship. And the things I did know, I didn’t insist on or communicate it well.  I didn’t communicate effectively what was going on inside of me, the uncertainty and unease I felt. And then there’s the dist
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